News and views from two ladies at the bottom of the world.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Marolyn: Ever ending

Ruth didn't take her meds for a couple of days at the end of last week. Her behaviour was very erratic, as I explained in my last post. I was relieved that there was a reason. I didn't know until she told the support team and I went up to the bedroom and found three days of one med and two days of another that she had emptied into her drawer.

She said she wanted to feel what it was like off of them. Fair enough.

Saturday she went to a crisis respite house because the support team is worried about our relationship basically. I was too before she left.

Today (Tuesday) she moved to another house about an hour up the coast. It's a consumer-initiated place run by an organisation she used to work for. She says the food is good and she's got a little bach by the beach. I won't see her until the weekend. Although I miss her, it's good to have some space away from each other at the moment.

I saw her this morning before I went to work and we argued. We see things very differently. She told me she needs me to be a champion of her choices, but I can't do that if her choice is not taking meds, at least not right now. In the future I am open, but I would like her to get better on meds now. More than anything I need to avoid discussions with her regarding things that have happened or my point of view. I don't really exist at the moment.

All new territory for me.

I want to write a bunch or short stories with mundane titles like smoking a cigarette or grocery shopping. Those things are huge experiences for me right now. I'm numbed out and coping at the same time. Yay therapy, friends, swimming and work (believe it or not).

Ruth is the best thing that's ever happened to me. This is all learning and I'm not fighting it.


  • At 2:17 AM, Blogger Jude (and Jennifer, too) said…

    Please continue to exist. Please don't write yourself out of conversations. If Ruth's recovery includes your lack of existence, how do you work yourself back in without rocking the boat again?

    I'm worried about you guys.


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